Friday September 13, Day 1 of Working on Me

Today I attacked life with some new found goals and a new desire to really be sure that I would find the happy place where I needed to be. I have been focussed on my self care and on doing the things that I need to do to improve myself. One of these is regular posts into my life and what I am doing. This is what is going to keep me consistent.

I woke up this morning struggling, missing Adeline extra bad and I decided that there were two things I could do...lie in bed all day and continue down the negative-self-pitty path that I was on or I could get my ass up and attack life by its horns.

I began the day with my typical morning routine of a double dose of EDD (Everyday Dose) made into a drink that resembles a flat white and Dose by MindHoney. This has been my routine for almost a month and I am definitely seeing its benefits in my focus and it is so much healthier than my previous 60 mg of Adderall a day!

Next, I set up this website, wrote a post on my grief blog, and answered some emails. After that my sweet Lovebug and I took a little adventure and hiked one of my favorite local parks, Rocky Glen. If you are in the Peoria area and haven't checked it out, you should. It is a such a beautiful little place.

While I was in the woods, connecting with the Earth and the beauty around me, I was very fortunate to find two feathers that were signs that my girl was with me. I had one of the best cries that I have had in a long time, releasing the stored up feelings and longings that I have ever day...missing my littlest love will forever be the worst thing that I have to experience.

I can't beging to describe how healing being in the woods is for me. Connecting with trees is something that leaves my soul feeling free and clear.

I then stopped by JAM Screenprinting and got the coolest local Peoria, IL themed shirts that I have seen and am so excited that I ordered. While I was there a good friend of mine gifted me a beautiful Jerry Garcia canvas. AJ could not have possibly known what I have been going through, because for the last several months I have felt like I was drowning and to be honest, I didn't feel like I would ever get my head above water. However, I am emerging and working to do the things that are required for me to be my best and this small act of kindness on this day where I am working so hard to better myself, is something that is truly the most beautiflul thing. It's always amazing to me how God puts the right people in our lives at the right times.

I have been working on sticking to an 8-hour eating window. So, I broke fast with some fish tacos from my favorite local Mexican spot, El Mexicano on Jefferson St in Peoria, IL. They are so good!!

After my lunch, I took my Cortisol supplement and did a little somatic yoga workout and got a shower in.

It was then time to pick up Huxley from school and help him get ready for his game. We ran and got him some food because we only had a few minutes before he had to be at his game. I decided to enjoy a lemonade as the place he wanted food from has really good fresh squeezed lemonade with real sugar (not corn syrup!).

He played hard at his game and his team won. They are currently 3-0! They've had some rough seasons but are killing it this year. He is #17.

I had a little afternoon snack but only ate a couple of bites to just satisfy my "need" (I'll use sthis term loosely) for something. I also had a gin & Tonic which is rare for me but I really wanted a cocktail. It was a homemade peanut butter grain & seed bar that I had grabbed from a coffee shop. I did forget to snap a pic of my dinner which was a fried fish sandwich and fries.

I ended the night with a handful of pineapple gummy bears...while not the best snack, it was a delicious treat and one that is not as bad as many others.